Cross over to a new chapter

Let my light shine….

Do you know the question that I always ask myself? Most that when I am alone I wonder why I am the way I am, I wonder when I am going to succeed and move to a new chapter of my life. I wonder if my life will end with me being stagnant. fishes move from place to place but their movements ends only inside water, when the leave the water they become dull and stagnant, why is it so, I question myself. I failed to see the answer to my questions even though they are right their in my face. I failed to hear the answers loudly calling out to me. This is actually because I was deaf to there callings and I was blind to their waving. I thought God hated me and so I blocked myself from the looking eyes of God with my anger, malice, frustration and carelessness. I decided to live my life carelessly believing that life has nothing good and rich for me. I believed that God has forgotten me. I believed that I was pointless and that death should come and carry me away from the surface of the world instead of me to be suffering.

I was too lazy to struggle more not knowing that my pains was for a reason. I forgot that God faced even more pains as he was crucified with nails being knacked into his palms. As the day passed by frustration and anger hit me more and so I ran to the alter containing the crucifix of Jesus, the portrait of Mary and Joseph, bible, holy water and others elements that my parents built for the worship of God and pushed them down to the floor. I thought that I was repaying God for leaving and abandoning me all these years by doing that. I thought that he was going to get angry and at least speak to me instead of being silent and numb to my questions.

It felt as if my action wasn't enough to hear God’s voice as he still remained silent. I was more angry and frustrated but this time I looked up and asked him “why me”

I cried my heart out and then slept off in the prayer room. I felt more hopeless and abandoned by him but what I wanted  deep inside me was not for him to take me, rather it was for him to redeem and restore back my joy. I wanted to hear his voice. All these times I forgot every other thing in my life, my frustration  and rested peacefully as I laid down on that floor. When I woke up I realized what I have done and then gently placed everything back to their place, I used a clean towel and dusted the stains in the praying elements, including the bible. I was sorry. Memories of how bitter my life was before I encountered Christ came back to me and this time I shed tears of repentance. I was repentant of my sin and so sang praises and worship to almighty God with faith that he was listening to me. I asked for his forgiveness of my sins and that he should take away my burden  and give me a patient heart, as I lack one. For some unknown reasons, I felt light, my heart was no longer heavy and cool breeze entered my chest down to my abdomen.

I was happy and glad. “ indeed God has a listening ear and a comforting heart, I thought as I smiled. I decided to block the old me and let open the true worship of God in me. 

2 months later I got some money from working in a shopping plaza and started out my fashion house which within a period of a year grew to national level. Everyone in Nigeria knew and wants my brand. It was then that every of prayers God was hearing. His silence didn't mean that he has forgotten me, rather it meant that he was working on his big plans for me. He had a bigger plan for my future, but anger and frustrations made me blind to see them and deaf to hear his words. I realized that my inability to cross into the new chapter of my life was so because he wanted me to realize myself and to receive him. I realized that truly his mercy endureth forever and his love cancers all our pains. All I needed was to be patient in him and let his work in my life but I refused because of my impatience.

Humans are like this too, we want God to keeping helping us while we live off his goodness for free. We want him to bless him while we cant even spread his blessings. We want to use him for our success but are never willing to let him use us for the spread of his words. We wait for festive periods as if there is something big in it, we kill, fornicate, lie and break our promises to him for those one days of enjoyment and forget that after all these sins we might actually not be able to see those D days.

We await crossover night with different themes that will benefit us forgetting that the same God that let down on is still the same one that will reveal things to our preachers to tell us. He is still the one that will  answer all the prayers we say at the cross over night. We forget that any of unanswered prayers is as a result of our inability to leave sin and embrace God as our lord and personal saviour.

Most times we question God and blame him for all our misfortunes in life and we keep forgetting that we cause our misfortunes by opening a gateway for sin to get into our covenant with God.  We forget that our pain might actually come to our end if we should learn to abide by the laws of God, and only until then can we cross over to a new chapter of our life and the light of the holy spirit will shine upon us. We cant keep asking for the light of God and expect him to unleash his light on us if we cant even boast one promise we make to him and keep it.

The world revolves around the system of trade by barter [give and take] if we truly wish to acquire the best but God is not like that. He has promised to give all to us for free but with a condition that we worship him and stop living under pretence and fake salvation.